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From:
Los
Angeles, California
Friday,
4:05 P.M.
June
5, 1987
Dear
Friend & Subscriber:
Let's
talk about sex.
A
few years ago I was browsing in a Studio City bookstore when
the devil made me pick up a girlie magazine called High
Society. The devil then further directed my attention to the
middle of the magazine whereupon he forced me to examine the
centerfold of the month in minute detail.
Thank
God for the devil.
Anyway,
there she was, all spread out in her nude, nubile glory,
beckoning me to feast my eyes on every square inch of her
lush, wanton, young body. But that's not all she was beckoning
me to do. No, Sir! She was also beckoning me to call her at a
special number so I could hear her passionately profess how
much she wanted my body.
And
so I did.
And
so did a few other people. In fact, if my info is correct,
some of those centerfold ladies receive...
500,000
Calls Per Day!
Whooee!
That's a lot of heavy breathing, ain't it? But, so what? What
ramifications, if any, does this have to do with our marketing
efforts?
Plenty.
Just wait. Now listen, do you know how this business of 976
numbers works? It's sort of like this: What you do is you go
to Ma Bell and tell her you want to have some 976 numbers.
Then you arrange to buy or lease some phone answering
equipment. All this will cost you a few thou. O.K., after
you've got all this in place, what you do is you run ads or
mail letters or somehow entice people to call your 976 number
to hear a recorded message.
The
numbers go something like this: First, the customer (he who
does the dialing) must pay his normal phone charges. What this
means is that if your 976 number is located in the 212 area
code and he is calling from area code 213, then he must pay a
long distance toll charge. However, if he is calling from the
same area code, there is, of course, no long distance charge.
Furthermore,
he must also pay a fee (usually about $2.00) for the privilege
of listening to the info on the 976 recorded message.
And
what happens to this $2.00 fee? Aha, I thought you'd never
ask. Hear this: The fee is collected by Ma Bell (it is added
to the caller's phone bill) and Ma keeps about $.50 of it and
sends the rest (about $1.50) to you!
Getting
interesting, isn't it?
Let
us press on. Remember that centerfold girl who invited me to
call her so she could tell me how hot she was for my bod? Do
you know that what she told me after her recorded message got
me all hot and bothered? Well, listen to this! What she told
me at the end of her recording is that, if I wanted to talk to
her live and, if I had a credit card, I could call another
number and would have the hottest conversation of my life!
Oh
yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
Hold
on, all ye who would think ill of me. I'm not getting excited
about all that heavy breathing; I'm getting excited about
those numbers!
Let's
see now, if some of those centerfold girls get 500,000 calls
per day, that's uh, about 750,000.00 to he who owns the 976
numbers. And I wonder how many of those people with credit
cards get excited enough to call and talk to a live girl? What
do you think? 20%? 10%? 5%? Naw. That seems too high to me.
Let's base our numbers on a 1% "conversion".
So,
1% of 500,000 is 5,000. Right? And what does it cost a credit
card holder to listen to a real life girl talk dirty? Well,
according to my informants, it's about $35.00 for 15 minutes.
And how much is $35.00 times 5,000 callers? Check it out. It
seems to me it's another
$175,000.00!
By
now, I bet you want to know more about this 976 business,
don't you? But you're probably just like me. In other words,
even though you'd like to know how to apply all this to your
own efforts, you don't want to call one of those "dial-a-porn"
numbers by mistake, now do you? And so, as a public service,
I, Sir Gary of Halbert, am hereby providing a list of numbers
in the 213 area code you must avoid dialing at all cost.
Therefore, no matter what, I implore you....
Do
Not Call These Numbers!
Live
Sex Talk 976-1133 Live Oral Excitement 976-6400
Gabrielle's
Candy Store 976-5477 Hi Baby 976-5683
Sex
Soap Opera 976/4277 Pick Your Pleasure (1-6) 976-8800
Live
Domination/S&M 976-9447 Let Me Please You 976-0200
Love
Line 976-9944 Adult Fantasy 976-8887
Or
These Either!
Love
Story Serial 976-6622 Adult Fantasies 976-5511
Love
Story Serial #2 976-GLOW Fantasies Come True 976-7399
A
Beautiful Lady 976-7729 The Ultimate Male Fantasy976-8665
Adult
Connection 976-1122 Leave Your Own Sex Ad 976-LUVV
Live
Fantasy 976-5551 Adult Film Stars Live 976-9111
And
Especially Not These!
Adult
Bulletin Board 976-6600 Real Live Phone Sex 976-6644
The
Beach Girls 976-0404 Self-Explanatory 976-SLUT
Talk
with Young Actors 976-4323 Gay Talk Line 976-BARS
Live
Phone Sex 976-DOIT Talk with Young Hunks 976-7742
Remember....
You Have Been Warned!
Whew!
I'm glad that's out of the way! Anyway, now that we know what
not to do, how can we cash in on this 976 business for our
own, more respectable business endeavors?
Hmn?
How about this? How about if we are selling real estate in the
L.A. area and we run a little ad in the Los Angeles Times that
says...
How
to Buy L.A. Real Estate
At
Dirt-Cheap Prices!
Call
(213) 976-0000 For
Amazing
Recorded Message.
$2.00
Plus Toll, If Any.
Then,
when the caller calls, we give him some accurate and valid
tips on how to buy L.A. real estate and, at the end of the
recording, we give him our regular office number to call if he
wants more info.
Did
you like that one? I thought you would. By the way, (213)
976-HOME is a number that is safe to call in the L.A. area.
You'll get a recorded message that will give you up-to-date
info on L.A. area properties that have recently gone into
foreclosure.
What
else? Let's see. How about this? How about if Sir Gary, the
Ravin' Maven of Marketing, runs an ad in the business section
of various publications that says something like this....
How
To Promote Your Business
For
Less Than $1,000.00!
Exciting
Recorded Message
By
World's Best Copywriter
Reveals
Amazing Secret!
It's
Only $2 + Toll, If Any.
Call
(213) 9 7 6 - G A R Y.
Whad'ya
think? Will that one fly? Maybe I could change the message
every week and many folks would call week after week and some
of them would become profitable clients and associates.
Hey!
Come to think of it, maybe we could mail out the same copy on
a postcard to lists of our best prospects!
Want
more? I knew you did. Remember how I told you in an earlier
letter that all of us are greedy, greedy, greedy?
Don't
forget that. That concept can lead you down many profitable
paths. Like this one. Suppose you are a car dealer and you run
an ad like this:
R
e d H o t C a r s
At
Dirt-Cheap Prices!
Incredible
Recorded
Message
Reveals How To
Get
Amazing Bargains.
Call
(213) 976-C A R S.
$2
Plus Toll, If Any.
Or
you're a cosmetic surgeon and you run one like this:
New
Plastic Surgery Technique
Can
Make You Look Years Younger!
Amazing
Recorded Message Gives
E
x c i t i n g D e t a i l s.
Only
$2.00 Plus Toll, If Any.
Call
9 7 6 - F A C E.
Or
you sell stocks and you run an ad like this:
How
To Pick Low-Priced Stocks
That
Are Likely To Double
In
The N E X T 90 - Days !
Expert
Reveals Amazing Secret.
Call
(2 1 2) 9 7 6 - C A S H
For
Amazing Details.
$2.00
Plus Toll, If Any.
Etcetera,
etcetera, etcetera.
Whatever.
The point of all this is that there is now a relatively new
and exciting way to get people to actually pay to hear your
sales pitch!
But,
let me offer a word of caution: When you promise an inside
secret, you must deliver. Don't ask them to call you at
another number to get what they have already paid for. That's
sleazy. And besides, it will turn people off. It will make
them less receptive to dealing with you. Instead, if you are a
real estate broker, give a really valuable tip on your
recorded message. Maybe you could tell the caller where and
how to get a daily list of new foreclosures. Tell him what to
do, where to go, what to say, what forms he needs and whatever
else would be helpful. Then, after you have delivered, you can
tell him to call your personal number if he needs more info.
Listen:
Advertising can work two ways. If you really are not a real
estate or marketing expert, don't promote yourself. Hell, all
you're going to do is spend thousands of dollars to let people
in on the fact that you're an idiot. (There's a couple of
marketing newsletters out there that I'm sure glad I don't
have to sign my name to.)
But
look, if you got some really good valid info you can deliver
in a recorded message, you'll position yourself as a person
who delivers and you'll whet their appetite for more of the
same.
Onward.
I started this month's issue on the subject of sex and, now
that you've got me going, I think I'll rave on a little more.
You know, I very seldom use sex in the advertising I create. I
don't know why exactly, I just never have. But darn it, it
sure seems to work. It sure seems to be the number one subject
that occupies all of our "Enquiring Minds."
Remember, in my issue on Haldeman-Julius' Little Blue Books
how, back in the 1920s, the number one subject people wanted
to read about was sex?
Well,
it's the same today. Go to any big city magazine stand. Look
at all those hundreds of magazines and you'll soon discover
you can divide them into two, approximately equal categories:
SEX
And Then.... Everything Else
And
just look at this 976 number situation. I bet that 99.9% of
all 976 calls are sex-related. You know, that's sort of a
shame. Here's a great new way to generate leads and a positive
cash flow at the exact same time and hardly anybody is using
it except people selling titillation.
Another
"sex story". Once upon a time, I was introduced to a
guy who claimed he was the greatest living income tax expert
in the world. I don't know if he was or not, but I do know he
went bankrupt not too long after I met him. Anyway, this guy
spent some really serious money in advertising in the Wall
Street Journal and his ads usually developed the theme of:
How
To Pay
Zero
Taxes!
Well,
his ads were, I understand, fairly successful. And then one
day, he got a picture of a beautiful, bosomy blond from a
local photographer and he used that picture in one of his ads.
Her picture did not belong in that ad. There was no connection
between a sexy blond and a study course on how to reduce
taxes. But guess what?
That
Ad Was
The
Highest-Puller
He
Ever Ran!
You
figure it out. By the way, this guy was a PhD (I hear that
means "piled higher and deeper") and he even
announced that fact on his vanity license plate. And, being a
PhD, he never ran that ad again because he didn't feel it was
consistent with his "image."
Isn't
that a hoot?
Enough
rambling. Let's get back to this 976 business. You know, I
believe this may be one of the hottest new marketing
phenomenons to come down the pike in recent years. So far,
it's mostly being used on the heavy breathing crowd but, in my
opinion, that's going to change a bit. Today I was reading the
classifieds in the L.A. Times and I saw an ad that said this:
9
7 6 - B I G M O N E Y M A K E R
Winning
Programs That Attract Millions. Adver-
tisements
That Pull Thousands Of Dollars Daily.
Sure
Success. 213/637-3781
I
called the number and talked to a woman who said she was
Martha Tucker. She said her company helps people get going in
the 976 area and they are giving a seminar (admission price
$10.00) at the L.A. Hilton near the airport on June 20th. She
also said her company offers a set of three tapes that reveal
everything you need to know to get in on the 976 bonanza. The
tapes are $39.99 and they don't take credit cards and, if you
send a check, they wait for it to clear before they ship. So,
I'm mailing them $40.00 cash today and I've asked them to
messenger the tapes to me ASAP. If the tapes contain valuable
info, I'll let you know in a future letter. In the meantime,
if you want more info in a hurry, you can contact them direct.
Ask for Martha Tucker and you might mention that I suggested
you call.
The
name and address of the company is:
International
Small Business Expo
Post
Office Box 1006
Paramount,
CA 90723
(213)
637-3781
Want
more ideas? Lordy, you sure are a glutton for idea
stimulators, aren't you? Well, lucky for you, my youngest son,
Bond, has compiled a list of 976 numbers that are safe
(relatively) for you to call that may give you some ideas.
You'll find them listed where I normally write some inane P.S.
Sincerely,
Gary
C. Halbert
"A
man so dedicated to his subscribers he gave up his 'virgin
ears' in their behalf."
P.S.
California Treasure Hunt 976-CLUE
Lotto
Line 976-LOTO
Music
Trivia 976-TUNE
Want
A Scream 976-4437
Dial
Your Date 976-LIFE
Horoscope
Hotline - Scorpio 976-1900
Cancer
976-1500
Taurus
976-1300
Capricorn
976-2600
Libra
976-1800
Sagittarius
976-2400
Joke
Line 976-LAFF
Soap
Opera Hotline 976-SOAP
Horseracing
Hotline 976-RACE
Woody
Woodpecker Tells Dinosaur Stories 976-2233
P.S.
And here's my usual inane P.S.:
On
June 12 (my birthday), Paulette and I have decide to "skyout"
for parts unknown. But don't panic. We're coming back. Just
give us 10-days or so.
Sincerely,
Gary C. Halbert
Gary
C. Halbert
Copyright
© 1987 Nomax Publishing Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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