South of Jewfish Creek
Friend & Subscriber,
It's almost here. The new year stretches before us like
365 blank pages of a personal diary.
What will be written on those pages by this time next
year? Will it be a tale of health, wealth, romance and
wondrous prosperity? Or will those pages tell a story of
misery, slime and sadness? There's only one thing for sure... whatever is written on those pages will be authored by you and me!
Isn't that neat? Just think... each of us is writing
our own personal action adventure... and...
We Can Make It
Come Out Anyway
More than anything now, my job has evolved to one of
teaching. I teach through this newsletter, through my audio
tapes and videos, through my seminars and sometimes, as a
guest speaker at other people's seminars.
And you know, every time I stand on a stage and look
out at a sea of expectant faces, I ponder a bit on how some of
the people in the audience are going to take the info I give
them and go forth and make millions. And others... well, those
others are going to remain losers no matter what I or anybody
else ever teaches them. What is the difference between the
winners and the losers? Is it intelligence, breeding,
"connections," education... what?
I'll tell you something: This issue of my newsletter is
going to make a lot of my readers very uncomfortable. Why?
Simply because I know the difference between winners
and losers and, in this issue, I'm going to put the choice
right dead square in your face. I'm going to give you an
extraordinarily simple set of instructions and, if you do what
I say, your chances of becoming extremely prosperous are going
to be magnified by a factor of at least 1,000!
But most of you are not going to follow these simple
instructions. I know that already from past experience. And I
even know already the reasons you're going to give for not
doing what I suggest. These are the same reasons everybody
(including me) nearly always gives for not doing something
which will make our lives better. One of those reasons is not
enough time, right?
Well, that reason is not going to wash here because the
time involved is just one lousy day. Think of it: I'm saying
you only have to give up one
day to give yourself a 1,000 times better shot at
And another reason is not enough money, right?
Sorry... that reason is not going to wash here either
because the money involved will probably amount to about $8.00
to $90.00 depending on where you live. And surely, even the
most directly-financially stressed of any of us can scratch up
that kind of dough, can we not?
And finally, we come to the reason that pisses me off
to no end every time I hear it. It makes my blood boil. It
infuriates me. And, this reason is only given by people who
have no understanding whatsoever
of what it is that really separates the achievers from the
pathetic. This reason for not doing something is: "You
don't really have to experience something to understand what
it is all about." Dummies who use this kind of reasoning
are people who smoke and proclaim they truly do understand
they are risking lung cancer. It's just not true. Go to the
Stehlin Cancer Foundation in Houston, Texas and hang out with
some patients who have advanced lung cancer, all of whom got
it from smoking, and ask any of them if they now believe that,
in the past, when they were smoking, they truly
understood what they were risking. Men can never truly
understand what it is to have a baby. Non-alcoholics can never
truly understand alcoholism. Straight people can never
understand what it is to be gay. Gays can't hope to thoroughly
comprehend what it is to be straight. And...
Spectators Can Never Understand
What It Is To Be A Player!
Oh shut up. I know you don't like this issue but, as I
see my job, every once in a while I have to risk your
displeasure and give you a core message you must
understand if you really, really, really want to be a winner.
So, all I'm saying is, don't give me that crap about how you
don't have to do the simple task I'm going to give you because
you have the mysterious ability to understand something
even if you don't experience it. By reading about it, maybe.
Or watching it on TV. Or listening to some audio tapes. Yes, I
know... you are blessed. All you have to do is
go to a concert and... SHAZAM!... you can immediately
understand what it takes to be a stage musician.
Why am I blathering on about this? Let's go back to
where I'm standing on that stage looking out a sea of
expectant faces. You know what the hardest thing it is for a
caring teacher like me to do? I'll tell you... it's not to
explain something to my audience. That's relatively easy. No,
my friend, the real challenge is to make my message real
to that audience. You see, anyone who understands for
real what it is like to have lung cancer will never smoke.
And anyone who understands for
real the truth of how my marketing methods can change
their lives will then...
Go Do What I Teach
And Get Rich!
Here's a little story that illustrates the difference
between "intellectual" knowing and knowing
knowing. A few days ago I got a call from Ben Suarez and it
reminded me of what happened once when he was visiting me in
L.A. We were in my boat in Marina Del Rey and slowly making
our way out to the open ocean. The boat was a 23 foot center
console Mako with two 115 horsepower Evinrudes clamped
to the stern. Anyway, as we were sedately chugging along, Ben
remarked he "knew" this boat was fast. I challenged
him on that. I told him he only had a bullshit intellectual
idea the boat was fast, that he really didn't know it
at all. Ben said he didn't understand. I told him not to
worry, soon enough I would make my point.
Well, we get about a mile out into the Pacific Ocean
and I stop the boat. "Hang on to the rail by the
console," I tell Ben. "And bend your knees. And open
your mouth as though you were getting ready to scream."
He was getting ready to scream, he just didn't
know it yet. So... I looked over at Ben to make sure he was
all set and then I floored that sucker. Wheoo! That boat
leaped forward like a big-assed bird trying to outrace a
shotgun blast. We ploughed through the waves like a freight
train gone wild. The wind from the slip stream tightened back
the skin on our faces and made our eyeballs bulge. The ocean
spray lashed out at us like a spurned lover from hell. Part of
the time we were actually airborne, clear
out of the water! We were slamming, sloughing, leaping and
Bengieballs was screaming for all he was worth...
Oh Jesus! Oh
Holy Mary! Oh My
This Boat Is Fast!"
And then he knew. Really knew.
And it's that difference, the difference between
"intellectually" knowing and really knowing
that can save your life... or make you rich.
Enough preamble. Now it's time for me to give you your
little assignment. And, after I give you this assignment, I'm
going to explain the significance of it to you in minute
detail. And, after my explanation, the more dense of my
readers will say, "Hey yeah, this makes sense to me. I
understand what he's getting at so... there's no real need for
me to actually do this little exercise."
Is that you? If so, you lose. Because you cannot
understand what I'm getting at unless you do the
assignment. And, if you do do the assignment...
Your Lust For Money Will
Be Energized Beyond Belief
For All The Rest Of Your Life!
Here is your assignment: I want you to place a
classified ad in the largest circulation newspaper in your
area. Here is what the ad should say:
wanted to address
envelopes at home. You must
have a typewriter or good
handwriting. Call 000-0000.
I want you to run this ad in the "help
wanted" section of the classifieds exactly the way
it is written above. The only acceptable change whatsoever is
maybe changing the word "housewives" to
"part-time workers" and you should only make this
change if the newspaper forces you to. Sometimes
newspapers will insist you make a change like this because
advertising for housewives is sexist (they say) and shows
prejudice against men.
Anyway, running this ad is the first part of your
assignment. The second part is you personally take all
the calls this ad will generate. Also, you should take these
calls on a single line phone.
You know, back in the days when the likes of Ben Suarez
and his brother Rick were working for me, I used to insist
that key employees complete this little assignment and, nearly
always, my employees thought I was a little nuts. But, since
they depended on me for their paychecks, they didn't have much
choice in the matter and here is what would always happen...
which will also happen when you do this assignment:
you will be awakened before
dawn by someone answering the ad.
7 a.m. or 8 a.m. your phone will be ringing with some
10 a.m. you will learn not to hang-up the phone but to
merely depress the disconnect button because, as soon
as you release the button, the phone will ring again.
phone will continue to ring for days and, although I'm
only asking you personally take the calls for just
1-day, by the time your phone stops ringing entirely
(some two weeks later) you will have received hundreds
of the callers will ring back twice, three times and
So what's the point? Ah, not so fast, my friend. Before
I get to that, you're going to have to endure even more of my
fatuous drivel. Be patient. This drivel is relevant.
Ready? OK. Once upon a time when I was publishing this
newsletter from Los Angeles, I got a call from one of my
subscribers who was selling a very high-priced service
to companies who were (or should be) doing business with
Pacific Rim countries. "How to get the attention of these
companies?" that was their question.
"Do this," I says. "Go to
Deak-Perrara and get some paper currency from each of the
Pacific Rim countries. Get the lowest denomination bills you
can. Then put a bill from each different country into a bundle
and attach that bundle of bills to the top of the first page
of a personally-typed letter. The letter should be dated, have
an inside address, and be sent first-class or better yet, via
Federal Express. The letter should begin by telling the
recipient to hold that bundle of money in one hand while he
holds the letter in the other hand and reads it. The letter
should go on to say the money the reader is holding in his
hand is only a microscopic sample of the money he and
his company is missing out on by not using the firm the writer
of the letter works for to help capture a share of the Pacific
My callers (there were two of them) were elated. They
sang my praises. They said this was a great idea.
Time passes. About a month later they ring back wanting
to talk some more and perhaps pick up another good idea or
two. "How did that last mailing go?" I asked.
"The one where you attached the bundle of bills?"
"Oh, we haven't gotten around to that yet,"
they say. "But we think it was an exciting idea and we'd
like to pick your brain some more."
"No way," I said to them. "I'm going to
hang up and, quite frankly, I have no interest in ever
talking to you again!"
They couldn't believe it. How could I be so
insufferable? It was easy. You see, I am often very short with
people who approach me as players and then I find out they are
really only voyeurs. Listen, you want to know what is
one of the major differences between winners and losers? It is
Winners go out and get going before they know
all the answers or even most of the answers. Losers
will study a problem endlessly to make sure they don't do
anything "rash." Would you like to know a few
"clues" that suggest the person you're talking with
probably is not now nor ever will be an effective money-making
machine? OK, I'll tell you. But remember these signs are not
infallible; there are exceptions. However, whenever you
come across one of these signs, at the very least, a little
red flag should pop up in your mind to warn you that maybe
(probably) you are talking to a time-waster.
person has a college degree beyond that of a B.S.
Look, college doesn't teach anyone how to make money.
In fact, from that point-of-view, a college education has a negative
value. And, of course, a smart student will learn this long
before four years are up. However, a "voyeur,"
someone who wants to hide-out from life, can escape reality
for years by going after a master's or a doctorate degree.
But wait. You've always heard college-educated people
earn more money than non-college-educated people, right? Sure,
that is true in general but, for that observation to be
correct, it should be stated thusly:
A Non-Player With A
College Degree Will Usually
Make More Money Than
Another Non-Player Without One
Of course, players often make 100 times or 1,000
times or 10,000 times more than non-players with or without
degrees! You know, once upon a time, a salt-of-the-earth
businessman (not me) was at a society cocktail party when the
hostess found out he didn't have a college degree and
expressed her condolences.
"Oh, don't worry," replied the businessman,
"it's really OK. You see, I've got about 150 guys with
degrees working for me!"
person knows how to operate a personal computer.
I'll admit there are a few exceptions but, for the most
part, anyone who knows how to run a PC is a clerk.
Usually, this is such a person that likes to bury himself in
technological effluvium in order to avoid the exhilarating,
exciting and terrifying real work of a player which is,
of course... SELLING!
You know, whenever someone starts bragging to me about
how well his operation is computerized, I groan inwardly
because it is almost certain that person has totally neglected
the truly important aspects of his business.
Know this: For the most part, computers are the
concern of clerks, typists, underlings and children... not
person has to "talk-it-over" with someone
else before he can commence movement.
This could be his spouse, his partner, his banker, his
lawyer, his Daddy, his Mommy or whomever. This is the kind of
person who aligns himself with other non-players because he
Two Or More Sissies Can
Never Equal 1-Pair Of Testicles!
And by the way, these days, I see a lot of women who
have more balls than the sorry men in their lives.
No wait! I'm getting off track here! Enough about
clues. Let's see, what was supposed to be the point of this
newsletter anyway? Oh yeah, I was going to tell you the reason
you should run that little ad for housewives to address
envelopes. Look, that ad, including the phone number, contains
only 17 words. Yet, because it is so "on-target,"
because it penetrates
precisely into the profound
needs and desires of a huge segment of population... that
little ad is a button that starts up a huge engine of desire.
It will cause a "river-of-need" to be diverted onto
your property. What that means, of course, is you can harness
the power of that river to achieve your own noble objectives.
(Such as making lots of money.) But you will never fully
understand that river (and thus be able to harness its
power) until you become intimate with it. That's why you
have to take the calls yourself. So, when you listen to the
callers, you can hear how much, how very
much, they want this kind of work. You will be able to feel
their need, to identify with it. To understand it... for
And something will change in you, my friend. All of a
sudden you will know (truly know) that words on paper really
can produce results! And once you know that, really
know it, this business of direct response begins to get very
exciting. Your fungola-seeking antennae will begin to function
better. You'll become "tuned-in" to looking for
other "pockets-of-needs." And, because you have
experienced this one first-hand, then you will be able to
identify another when you come across it. No longer will you
see an overweight person as just another porker. No, you will
see that person as a fat, little, walking-talking cash
register. No longer will you see the coming depression as a
threat. No, you will begin to realize that... if you can find
the right combination of words to direct the emotion generated by the economic slump... then maybe you
can do so in a manner which will enrich and profit you and
others. What I'm saying is...
You Do What I Say And Let This
Change Take Place Inside You Then, You
Will Be Automatically More Tuned-In To
"Pockets-Of-Need" And Your Mind
Will Begin To Show You How To Pick
Those Pockets In An Ethical Way
That Makes You Rich!
Look, I'm having trouble with this. I'm not explaining
it very well. Words are inadequate. You literally have to
experience what I'm talking about to be able to understand.
So... if you really want to give yourself a shot at the brass
Run The Damn Ad!
|Gary C. Halbert
(a porker with a sense of humor who doesn't want nasty letters
from other porkers without one)
Nuts, I'm not
satisfied yet. This is one of the most important things I've
ever tried to communicate to you and I
have the feeling you think I'm looney tunes. Look, what
stops people from doing something is often the simple fact they
don't know... really know...
it can be done.
Case in point: For over a hundred years nobody was able
to run a mile in under four minutes. No one "really
knew" it could be done. Then, Roger Bannister did it and lo
Dozens Of Other People Did
It Right After Him!
now they knew it could be done.
I had a very nice visit recently from
Larry Brown, one of my Lifetime subscribers who lives in some
dreadful place (Michigan) where the sun don't shine. (By the
way, after God created earth, whenever he decided a certain
part of it was fit for human habitation, he planted palm trees
so we'd know where to settle down.) Anyway, like I said, it
was nice spending a few days with Larry except he drove me
crazy by constantly insulting the mother of some guy named Lee
who also lives up there in no-man's land. Whatever. In any
case, one day we are out on the mighty Original Sea Hunt and I
give Larry the wheel (we were up in the tuna tower) and I go
below to take a nap. Larry couldn't believe it. Not only had
he never driven a boat like mine before, he also had never
even been out in the ocean. Well, guess what he discovered?
(1) He discovered he could run the boat. Even without hardly
any preparation. (2) He discovered it was both
terrifying and exciting. (3) He discovered when it got rough
(like when the water started coming over my 18 foot tower) he
could get help.
Look, I'm going to take a liberty here and give you Larry's
phone number. It's (313)
476-9645 and, if you doubt the importance of the message
in this issue... call
Larry and ask him if he could ever possibly have understood
what it is like to run a small boat out in rough water in the
Gulfstream (only 70 miles from Cuba)... without
actually doing it! (There's a moral here somewhere.)
almost never let anyone mail to my subscribers but, I've made
an exception. One of the best copywriters I've ever met is a
guy named Brad Antin who has been a tremendous help at
my seminars. Anyway, you'll soon get a pitch from him for a
900# seminar in Las Vegas and, if you're interested in this
area, give it your consideration.
at least one of the people who answer your help wanted ad.
After all, you can always use someone to address
envelopes if you're running a real direct response
business, now can't you?
Copyright © 2003 Gary C. Halbert. All Rights