South of Jewfish Creek
Dear Friend & Subscriber,
Here is a curious story.
He was a smallish man, an Orthodox Jew from Canada and a licensed pharmacist with not one but two degrees certifying he was indeed licensed to dispense pharmaceuticals.
When I first met him, he told me he was looking for the best copywriter in the world because he wanted to publish a state-of-the-art health newsletter. He asked me for references (which rather amused me). Because I was in a pleasant mood, I actually gave him the names of a couple dozen people he could talk with if he wanted to check me out. I was further amused by the fact he called every one of these people plus several others whose names I had not given him. Finally, after all this research, he concluded I would be a good people to hire to do a copywriting job for him.
Although he is a licensed pharmacist (as I said "doubly" licensed) he has never written a prescription in his life. He believes prescription drugs cause far more maladies than they alleviate. After much brainstorming, I convinced him a state-of-the-art health newsletter would give info not only on alternative therapies and medicines... but also... on conventional treatments and medicines whenever they indeed proved to be the best option for a particular affliction.
I told him the best name for his newsletter would simply be The Josh Abraham Letter and assured him I would do the best job I possibly could to make this endeavor a success. Since there was not an urgent deadline, I was able to put four months of thinking into the creation of this promo and I would like to share with you here the beginning of the sales letter I wrote for him.
How To Live To Be 110... And...
Still Remember Where You
Left Your Car Keys!
3011 Shannon St.
Santa Ana, CA 92704
As you can see, I have attached a real, live U.S. penny to the top of this letter. Why have I done this? Actually, there are two reasons:
1. I have something very important to tell you and I needed some way to make sure this letter would catch your attention.
2. And secondly, since what I'm writing about can save you money (a lot of money) I thought using a penny as a little "eye-catcher" was a good idea.
Anyway, here is what it's all about: In the next few days, I am (with your permission) going to send you a free copy of a report I have written titled:
How To Have A Photographic Memory... At Any Age!
Did you ever walk into another room to get something... and then... forget what the heck it was you wanted to get? Have you ever been held up when you wanted to go someplace because, you couldn't remember where you left your car keys? Have you ever been talking to a friend and, right in the middle of a sentence, you completely "blanked-out" on the point you wanted to make?
Don't worry. You don't have Alzheimer's. Chances are, there's nothing seriously wrong with you. All you need is a simple little pill the drug companies don't want you to know about. You can get it without a prescription, it doesn't have any side effects whatsoever... and... tests prove it is (by far) the most potent treatment in the world for memory enhancement!
I'll tell you more about this remarkable discovery in a minute. But first, I want to tell you a secret about myself. My name is Josh Abraham. I am a licensed pharmacist. In fact, I'm licensed to practice pharmacy in both the United States and Canada. I received my Bachelor of Science in Pharmacy from Long Island University in New York in 1988. Not only that, since 1994, I've been Executive Vice President of Regulatory Affairs for Stella Pharmaceutical Co., Ltd. I could tell you all about my other diplomas and certificates but, I'm not going to bother. You see, here is my secret...
I Have Never Filled
A Prescription In My Life!
Why? The answer is simple: I have learned, in the United States alone, more than 100,000 people die every year... because of the drugs their doctors prescribed for them!
Plus, many prescription drugs do more harm than good... and... most of the time, there are natural remedies which are much cheaper, have no side effects, and work ten times better. That's a funny thing to hear from a guy who spent a small fortune and years of his life to become a pharmacist, isn't it?
I can't help it: I just can't fill a prescription (even though an M.D. authorized it) for a drug I know is not good for someone... especially when there are so many better alternatives. Let me give you an example: If you're over 40, you've probably experienced minor memory lapses that irritate you. If you're over 50, maybe it's gotten to the point where you're a little concerned about it.
Well, you don't need a prescription. What you really need is something you can get in a health food store with the scientific name "pregnenolone". This is a potent neurohormone that, once inside your brain, actually activates the neuroreceptors necessary for an effective memory. In animal studies, pregnenolone has proven to be 100 times more potent than anything else ever tested to improve memory.
And, guess what? When tested on humans, the results were similar! And, humans not only experience dramatic improvement in their memory... but also... a significant increase in concentration, an elevation in mood, and a reduction in mental fatigue.
Also exciting is the fact, when humans use pregnenolone with certain other vitamins and minerals... there is... a dramatic increase in median I.Q. levels!
However, you must take the right kind of pregnenolone (it's sold under different brand names), the right amount... plus... you need to learn all about the other non-toxic, no-side-effect agents that can virtually magnify your memory.
I can't tell you everything you need to know in this letter. It would take up too much space. That's why I have written How To Have A Photographic Memory... At Any Age which is an easy-to-read report... (written in plain English)... that will change your life. Why am I willing to send you this report... and... why am I willing to send it to you FREE? The answer is simple: It's a bribe! It's what I call an ethical bribe to get you to try a trial subscription to my highly-regarded health newsletter called The Josh Abraham Letter.
Here's the deal: If you will agree to a trial subscription to The Josh Abraham Letter, I will send you the report I have just described... and... I will send it to you FREE! Plus, to make it even better, if you are not happy with my newsletter, I won't even ask you to pay for it... AND... you still get to keep the free report!
But wait! I want to "encourage" you even further. You see, once you read just one issue of my newsletter (any issue) I am so certain you will want to keep getting it every month. Therefore, I have decided to go all out... and... send you 10 more free reports you also get to keep even if you decide to cancel your subscription.
Free Report #2: How To Stop, Reverse, And Prevent Heart Disease Now And Forever!
Etc., etc. etc.
I'd like to stop here and make a few comments on what you have just read: First, the headline is jam packed with subtle, compelling psychology. The opening words "How To Live To Be 110" reflect a goal all of our target audience would like to achieve. The length of time I chose to feature in that headline (110 years) is an exciting goal and yet, thanks to many modern medical discoveries, it is also a believable goal.
The next three words "And Still Remember" implant the thought that, even at 110, our reader will not be humiliated and crippled by faulty mental functioning. The final words of the headline, "Where You Left Your Car Keys" not only illustrates triumph over our most common mental lapse, it also imparts the idea we will still be physically active enough to drive a car.
You'll notice this is what I call a "penny letter" because it calls for a penny to be attached to the first page of the sales letter as an "eye-grabber." Penny letters are a pain in the ass. However, if all other parts of the promotion are created with exceptional skill, the penny always gives a significant "edge" to the probability of the sales letter being a profitable success.
The full version of this sales letter goes on to promise the reader ten more "bribes." Thus, in addition to being what I call a penny letter, it can also be described as one of Halbert's trademark "bribe" letters. The use of this combination gives you more a chance of success than any other sales letter format of which I am aware.
I'm not going to reprint the entire sales letter here (it is copy intensive and 8-pages long) but, I would like to share with you some of the brilliant bullets featured in it. This is just a small sampling of the approximate 80 bullets created for this sales letter.
¨ How to use ordinary postage stamps to find out whether a man having erection problems has a physical problem or a psychological problem... and... how to restore full sexual potency in less than 3-days!
¨ One very common (so-called "safe") surgery that increases the chance of getting prostate cancer by 300%!
¨ How to spot the early warning signs of Alzheimer's!
¨ Why staying out of the sun... increases your risk of getting skin cancer!
¨ Why people in New Mexico have only 1/2 the risk of getting cancer... as... people who live in Connecticut!
¨ A secret your doctor will never tell you about that... guarantees... you will recover as fast as possible after any surgery!
¨ Why Japanese women have almost no menopausal symptoms!
¨ How the color of the clothing you wear affects your energy level!
¨ A non-prescription agent that breaks up fat in your bloodstream and flushes it out of your body!
¨ Does shampoo cause Alzheimer's?
¨ Why the "by-pass surgery industry" would shut down tomorrow... if... everybody knew the truth!
¨ How to "signal" your fat cells to shed all your excess weight!
¨ How many men ("in-the-know") have cured their enlarged prostate in two months and cancelled their surgery!
¨ How to triple your sexual performance if you are over 40!
¨ How you can actually grow fresh neurotransmitters in your brain!
¨ A non-prescription antidote for anxiety that would put Prozac out of business... if... the American public ever found out about it!
Hey, ain't those some bitchin' bullets?
Okay, now here's the close of the letter:
I could go on and on. What you have just read is only a small sample of the exciting information you will get when you subscribe to The Josh Abraham Letter. You need this kind of hard-nosed information. It is not a luxury. If you truly want to live to a ripe old age (and stay healthy and youthful at the same time) then the information I am offering you is CRITICAL!
And, please don't forget, when you subscribe to The Josh Abraham Letter, you'll get all 11 of those valuable free reports (mentioned earlier in this letter) plus your iron-clad guarantee. What I mean is this: If you are ever dissatisfied with The Josh Abraham Letter for any reason whatsoever (or even no reason at all) just write and say you want to cancel and you will immediately receive a full refund on all unmailed issues... with no questions asked.
Plus... You Still Get To Keep
All 11 Of The FREE Reports!
How much is your subscription to The Josh Abraham Letter? Actually, compared to what you get, it's a lot less than you'd expect. When you read the order form enclosed, I am sure you are going to be very pleasantly surprised at our low subscription price. Not only that, we ask you postdate your check a full 31-days ahead. That way, if you decide to cancel your subscription, we will immediately send back your uncashed check. (By the way, if you chose to pay by credit card, you should also know we will not process your credit card payment for 31-days either.)
May your life be filled with love, joy, happiness... and a new improved memory!
P.S. Do not forget to postdate your check a full month in advance... or... if you are paying by credit card, to remember we will not process your credit card payment for a full 31-days. Also, I have enclosed a self-addressed reply envelope for your convenience.
A few words about the offer: You'll notice it asked people to postdate their checks 31-days ahead or, if they are paying by credit card, the letter promises the credit card payment will not be processed for 31-days. Allowing people to postdate their check a month in advance and/or promising not to process their credit card payment for a month is... just like attaching a penny to the first page of the sales letter... a royal pain in the ass. However, virtually everyone who ever tests this kind of offer finds it to be so much more profitable than the traditional "pay-for-it-right-now-and-I'll-send-your-money-back-if-you're-not-happy" offer. The extra logistical effort it requires is irritating as a six pack of inflamed hemorrhoids but, it still pencils out to produce enough extra profit to nearly always be worth the aggravation.
Not only did I create the sales letter for this project, I also created a "stick letter" calculated to dramatically increase the profitability of this promotion. This stick letter is, I think, a particularly good one and I believe it would be of considerable value for me to allow you to read it. So, without further ado, here it is:
Dear Mr. Everett,
As you can see, I have attached a nice, crisp $1 bill to the top of this letter. Why have I done this? Actually, there are two reasons:
1. I have something very important to say to you and I needed some way to make sure this letter would catch your attention!
2. And secondly, for reasons I will explain in a moment, I wanted you to experience, as you opened this letter... the totally unique thrill... of receiving money in the mail from a completely unexpected source!
First things first. Mr. Everett, what is it I have to say to you that is so all-fired important? Simply this...
I really mean it. Recently, when you read the letter I sent to you (it started with the headline, How To Live To Be 110... And... Still Remember Where You Left Your Car Keys!) and you decided to subscribe to my newsletter, you took a chance. I admire that... and... I intend to do everything within my power to make this the best investment you will ever make. My newsletter is a labor of love. I slave over it like you wouldn't believe. I want my newsletter to be... by far... the most valuable health-building publication in the entire world.
In fact, my personal goal is to make each issue worth more than the entire yearly price you paid for your subscription!
To get you off to a quick start, I am sending you right now (by separate mail) your first issue of my newsletter, The Josh Abraham Letter, plus the 11 of the free reports I promised to give you. Do you remember all those free reports and what they are about? Just to make sure, let me list the titles here to refresh your memory:
1. How To Have A Photographic Memory... At Any Age!
2. How To Stop, Reverse, And Prevent Heart Disease Now And Forever!
3. How To Stop Deadly Cancer Without Surgery Or Radiation!
4. Six "Insurance" Nutrients You Must Take To Prevent Disease And Premature Death!
5. How To Lower High Blood Pressure In 14-Days Or Less... Without Dangerous Drugs!
6. The Anti-Cancer Diet... 16 Amazing Superfoods That Prevent Cancer!
7. Miracle Age-Reversing Nutrients!
8. How To Cure Arthritis With A Simple Grocery Store Remedy!
9. How To Train Your Metabolism To Burn Fat 24-Hours-A-Day, 7-Days-A-Week And Lose All The Weight You Want... Without Weight-Loss Dieting!
10. Why Viagra (The Potency Pill) Might Not Be A Sexual Panacea For Every Man!
11. How To Have Maximum Energy In Minimum Time!
Anyway, these are the 11-free reports which are now being mailed to you along with your first copy of my newsletter. This material will be in your mailbox in the next few days... and... I strongly suggest you read all this info immediately. Some of it is so important and so unique... it could literally save your life!
Now, let me move on to something else: Look, if you want to have excellent health, you absolutely must take certain supplements, vitamins and minerals. All in all, if you take everything you need to maintain optimum health, you are going to have to pay a small fortune... if... you make your purchases in your home town. However, because you are now a subscriber to The Josh Abraham Letter...
You Can Buy All The
Supplements You Need At
Here is why: When you go to a drug store or a health food store, you will have to pay retail. But, that is NOT the case with me. You see, I am a registered pharmacist in both the United States and Canada. That means I can buy any supplement... any vitamin... any mineral... any herb... or... anything else related to health... at below wholesale prices. Therefore, because you have become one of my newsletter readers, I am willing to pass on these savings to you. In fact, as of now, you have automatically been enrolled as a complimentary member of...
The Josh Abraham
To give you an idea of how valuable this is, I have enclosed a special notice which is inside the sealed envelope I am sending you with this letter. When you read that notice, you will discover... why... getting all your nutritional needs from The Josh Abraham Discount Club... is like... getting free money in the mail!
You'll see for yourself when you open the envelope.
Now, let's talk about that dollar bill I have sent you with this letter. You can do whatever you want with it. You can give it to charity. Buy yourself a protein milkshake or whatever. But, you know what I hope you do with it?
I Hope You Frame It!
Then, someday in the not-to-distant-future, what I hope will happen... is... someone will see that dollar bill hanging on your wall and ask you about it, and you will say...
"Well, that happens to be the very first dollar I saved on my health care needs because of Josh Abraham... and... since then... I have saved thousands more!"
OK, that's enough for now. Mr. Everett, thank you again for signing up for my newsletter and giving me a chance to prove myself to you. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. As I said earlier, I'm going to do everything within my power to make my newsletter the best investment you ever made in your life.
P.S. The information inside the sealed envelope has a time limit connected to it... so... I hope you read it right away.
Peace and good health.
I personally guided Mr. Abraham through every step of this promotion. Everything from obtaining the mailing lists, getting the promotion produced and mailed, keeping track of the orders, and so forth. And guess what? The promotion...
Was A Winner!
Indeed with some "tweaking" it could possibly turn out to be a monster winner.
But guess what else?
After doing everything involved, sending out all the letters, and getting the results (which were excellent) Mr. Abraham, for personal, religious and family reasons... not fully comprehensible to a simple-minded swamp dweller such as myself... has decided not to go forward with this project.
I like this guy. After months of work, an investment of approximately $87,000 and following every suggestion I gave him, he has ended up with a winner on his hands he is unable to exploit. He bears me no rancor (why should he?) and I have no negative feelings about him either. I guess this one simply goes into the category of "just one of those things."
However, it saddens me to see this little, good-hearted man suffer a financial loss like this, even though I cannot comprehend the "why" of it. So, I came up with the following idea: Why don't I feature this situation in one of my newsletters which will be very informative for all of my readers and possibly, a real died-in-the-wool jackpot for one of them.
See, what I said to Josh is, "Look, I'm gonna write about this situation and suggest to my readers that if somebody out there is looking for an already created, tested and 'ready-to-go' mail order business, they ought to make a deal with you to take ownership of this promo, run like crazy with it and repay you the 87,000 smackaroos you put up to make all this happen... with... the proviso they can pay you so much a month out of the profits it generates. This way, everybody wins including 'Yours Truly' who is entitled to 5% of whatever gross monies this dealybop produces."
Would you like to know more about this? Would you like to see the complete sales letter? Would you like to know the actual names of the mailing lists used to test this offer? Would you like to know the actual results it produced? Would you like to read the actual first edition of The Josh Abraham Letter which was also created by none other than Yours Truly? If so, all you have to do is call Josh and convince him you are really interested in this deal and not just some curious, do nothing spectator who wants a free look at all this material. Josh will be more than happy to send you a package containing the complete sales letter, the full size version of the stick letter, the actual first issue of the newsletter, and all relevant facts and figures.
This is a made-to-order opportunity for someone who seriously wants to get into the mail order business. But please, do me a favor: Please don't pester this man with a telephone call requesting all this unless you are real. If you don't have enough money to take this over and roll it out or, if you have one of those pain-in-the-ass anal personalties that just aggravates the hell out of everybody and slows everything down to a crawl... please don't do anything. Don't call Josh. Don't suck him (or worse yet, me) into the miserable vortex in which you reside.
Even for those of you (which, of course, means nearly all of you) who have no interest in getting involved in this project, there has been more inside information revealed in this newsletter about how a successful mail order business is really created than even a great teacher as I normally publish.
Read this entire issue two or three times. There is a lot here for those of you astute enough to catch it.
|| Gary C. Halbert
P.S. You can call Josh Abraham at (914) 425-3450 except during the Orthodox Jewish Sabbath which starts at sundown every Friday and lasts 24-hours until the sundown on Saturday.
P.S. #2 I have nothing more to say this month.
Copyright © 2002 Gary C. Halbert. All Rights Reserved.