From:
South of Jewfish Creek
Friday, 8:15 a.m.
March 31, 2000

Dear Friend & Subscriber,

No chit chat. Instead, we're going to dive right into our next lesson on "How To Write Killer Copy."

Remember last month how I gave you 80 headlines and, told you to write out those headlines (in your own handwriting) on 3"x5" index cards? And, how I also told you to use an el cheapo recorder and a small camera to cheaply capture more current headlines from magazines and other publications?

I hope you took me to heart and did those things. You're a dumb bunny if you didn't. Assuming you did complete this menial chore, I'm here to tell you, you have at least begun the process of writing copy "The Halbert Way."

Alrighty then, let's assume you have a job of writing copy to accomplish, either for yourself or a client. What is the first step you should take?

The answer is easy: The first thing you do is, take approximately 150 of your "headline cards" and read each one as you deal them out in front of you, like you would deal a deck of playing cards.

Can you guess why this is your FIRST step? It matters not... 'cause... I'm gonna tell ya. The reason you do this first is...

To Prime Your Mind!

This is a mechanical exercise to get your old noggin percolating. Pro copywriters don't have time to wait for inspiration. What pros do is follow mechanical, drone-like procedures... which literally force... breakthrough ideas to energize!

Reading, dealing out... and yes... touching and fondling... those headline cards is a superb way to start this process.

OK, suppose you've done this first step. Your mind is awake and stimulated... plus... your brain has just ingested a healthy portion of "killer copywriting nutrients."

What do you do next? The answer is, you do what I, Sir Gary of Halbert, privately think of as...

"The Suck!"

"The Suck" is where you take the product or service you have to write about and examine it from every conceivable angle. As you do this, you take notes... and... you number those notes. Take notes on everything pertinent. Take notes on everything interesting. Take notes on things that pop into your head (like ideas... random thoughts... or even questions).

Listen: One of the 10 best business books ever written is "How To Outfox The Foxes"... which... was written by a man I greatly admire, Larry Williams. If you are in business in any way, shape or form and, you haven't read this book, you are truly missing out on some amazing business secrets. It is published by CTI publishers and you can get a copy by calling (619) 756-0421.

Do it. You're a dunce if you don't.

I just finished re-reading that book for maybe the 7th time... and... this time, I took notes. I'm not writing an ad for this book (Larry has written an excellent one himself)... but... I took the notes anyway. I wanted to come closer to "owning" the incredible secrets it revealed. And, even though I am not writing an ad about this book, those notes I took are exactly the same notes I would have taken if I were, in fact, writing an ad. They were the same notes I would have written as I would have tried to "suck" every morsel and nugget of knowledge I could from this invaluable tool. Some of my "nugget notes" will have meaning only for me. Others will be immediately understandable and make sense to you.

In any case, I am herewith going to write all the notes I "sucked" from "How To Outfox The Foxes" to give you an idea of what a "Completed Suck" looks like: Off we go!

    1.  How bad is it?

    2.  Do you feel honor bound to pay?

    3.  Who doesn't get sued?

    4.  Story of rich guy with daughters

    5.  Buy a house in Florida

    6.  More lawyers than...

    7.  IRS cancer story, p. 2

    8.  This is a guideline; an idea sparker to get you thinking

    9.  Why success is scary

   10.  Be a shitty target

   11.  Hah! You are going to assume the worst case scenario

   12.  Be willing to walk

   13.  You own only an option

   14.  Lawyers should be used for the intimidation factor

   15.  Doberman dogs

   16.  Who can you bring to diffuse?

   17.  Have someone who doesn't owe, offer to pay

   18.  Get better collection results by befriending

   19.  Look like a no-profit street guy

   20.  Assume the absolute worst and think it out

   21.  You will be ripped off and treated unfairly

   22.  Threaten to put up billboards

   23.  Embarrass them into compliance; write an ad

   24.  "If payment in full is not received within 30 days of installation, all product warranties will be null and void"

   25.  You gotta give them justification

   26.  Have lawyer send copy of his letter to you

   27.  Look for a "tell"

   28.  Like holding a silver cross in front of a vampire

   29.  What counts is how well prepared you are emotionally

   30.  The tremendous power that exists in sitting still

   31.  Paint a picture of how exhausting and time-consuming it is going to be

   32.  My how they change... into a fire-breathing dragon

   33.  Buzzards: Who do they go after?

   34.  TRAP THEM!

   35.  Your job is to discourage

   36.  If something is written, no other testimony is allowed

   37.  The better you describe, the better your results

   38.  Snakes in the backyard

   39.  Ask Theresa about mailing

   40.  Loophole lawyer expert

   41.  "The only way I can feel comfortable about it is if..."

   42.  Rabbits are ridiculous

   43.  Life insurance trick on page 31

   44.  Dance your way out of this seemingly-never-ending law

   45.  Getting outside the legal system

   46.  Getting down in the gutter with a person who is basically amoral

   47.  In most cases, their ethics are non-existent

   48.  Hire criminal lawyers for civil disputes

   49.  Right or wrong, you are with the mongrel dogs and, whether you win or lose, you are going to go home with some fleas

   50.  One lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand thieves with guns

   51.  The clock and the calendar create the demise

   52.  Have Charo deal with Guttenmacher

   53.  Ferret out the loopholes

   54.  Ask the legal secretaries who work in courthouse

   55.  Hire best lawyer for something small so he can't work against   you - WHOA!

   56.  See Michael Milen stuff on p. 55

   57.  All it takes to file a lawsuit is a filing fee

   58.  (Sorry for the redundancy)

   59.  Advertising Genius Reveals How To Trade Stocks On The Internet

   60.  You can't remember

   61.  You make sure the fishermen against you get no fish by taking the fish out of the pond

   62.  Everything destroyed in hurricane

   63.  Don't chase money you were "fairly" cheated out of

   64.  It is easier to create than re-claim

   65.  More people end up hating their law firms than the mate they marry

   66.  The start is always starry-eyed and positive

   67.  If you do not understand the charges, you cannot be tried

   68.  A life lived outside the normal range of caution

   69.  I realize there are some strong differences between us regarding _____ and that shortly we will be filing lawsuits against each other -- suggest to your client -- cc peeps important

   70.  Lawsuits are the pits - p. 74

   71.  Since we don't see eye-to-eye

   72.  No touchable assets

   73.  Everyone wants to move toward pleasure and away from pain

   74.  Build a multi-story house of pain

   75.  Imagine how you would feel

   76.  At all. Ever.

   77.  Without a victim there is no crime

   78.  It is illegal for anyone to tell you a bank is going to close

   79.  You can beat your chest and complain, but is does no good. Never.

   80.  The more debt you have, the worse off you are. To be in debt is to be in trouble. To be debt-free is one of life's greatest joys.

   81.  If you want to file, move as far away as possible from your biggest competitor. (I have your arena.)

   82.  I will have to be altered for your facts, your deal and your state laws. It is, however, a beginning.

   83.  A shallow pocket's image

   84.  We are both taking risks here as we did when we left our homes

   85.  We could both be wiped out by unforeseen circumstances

   86.  What I want to know is what kind of man you are. I don't want to be in a game/business with people that should not be there.

   87.  It tells how much of a man (player) you are

   88.  Attorney-caused logjams

   89.  Any communication you have with a lawyer must be presented to his client

   90.  Place a loose "time threat" -- "for one last time"

   91.  They can envision the deal evaporating

   92.  Until this lawyer is out of the deal, we will take no phone calls, write no letters or move forward in any way (cc: client)

   93.  Shake hands on it before you give deal for lawyer to formalize

   94.  Put down in writing just the way you want it to be -- then I'll read it and tell you whether or not I can live with it -- NOTE: Explain you are exploring other options

   95.  One step beyond "notes on the napkin"

   96.  Garbage lawsuits are rampant -- Gary Waltershied

   97.  Arrange to be sued in a county many miles away and very rural

   98.  Truth: The perfect disguise

   99.  Have judgments against you so a new creditor is too far back in line

  100.  How To Protect Yourself Against All Lawyers... Including Your Own Attorney!

  101.  To buy Nevada Corp. call 702/883-8484

  102.  Bond must read pages 118 and 119

  103.  Nevada doesn't even share info with IRS

  104.  As much as 80% of estate can be stolen by a sharp lawyer and the government

  105.  Read about family partnerships on page 122

  106.  Creditor may have to pay taxes on nothing

  107.  Garlic in front of vampires

  108.  Call (or visit) Bob Berends (714/771-7584)

  109.  Legal Solutions in Chino, California

  110.  Read ads in Quest, P.A.L. Investigations and CDB Infotek for info on asset searches (ask Charo)

  111.  Hide money in state where you don't live

  112.  Take nothing of value with you to a creditor's meeting

  113.  People jump at cash; it's a "bird-in-the-hand"

  114.  How To Give Yourself A Lawyer Bypass

  115.  Hide your tracks

So hey, I bet after reading last month's headlines... and... this month's "nugget notes"... your beady, rat-like little mind is starting to wake up, isn't it? If I've done my job right, your creative juices are beginning to flow and your mind is beginning to...

Throw Off Sparks!

Aha, I gotcha going, don't I? But... what do you do with all this creative energy? How do you harness it and begin to fashion a starting draft of your message?

Back off! Don't be so damn pushy! You'll get that... in my next issue. But, in the meantime, just for practice, why don't you get your mitts on a book you think is valuable... and... do "The Suck" on that book yourself? Will you? If so...

You'll Be Coming Alive
And Starting To Thrive!

So, I'm hokey. Up yours.

	Sincerely,
	Gary C. Halbert "Unchanged, Untamed, and Unashamed"

P.S. Last month I offered my readers the chance to buy my new report called, "Gary Halbert's No Bullshit Guide On How To Prevent Every Type Of Scum Known To Man From Getting His Or Her Hands On Any Of Your Hard-Earned Fungolas!" at a price of $100.00 payable only by check. If you are one of the lucky people who has read that report, you now know certain secrets which can be used to make your money and other forms of wealth virtually bullet proof.

        If you don't have much money or wealth, it really doesn't matter whether you know these secrets or not. However, if you do have a considerable net worth, you are an absolute imbecile if you don't spend the lousy 100 bucks needed to obtain this amazing information. I doubt you will ever find wealth-protecting secrets as powerful as these in any other publication ever written. If you've got anything whatsoever worth protecting, spend the measley $100 and order this report. That $100, if you get in a crunch, can literally save you millions!

        To get your copy, just make a check for $100 payable to me, "Gary Halbert" and send it to the address at the top of this letter.

        And get this... I now have another report which is...

Outside The Scope Of This Newsletter
Which I Am Also Offering For Mere Pennies!

        Here's some background...

        One of my best friends, Dave Kekich, has been paralyzed from the chest down for 21-years due to a freak occurrence which happened to him in a gym in Redondo Beach, California. Dave wants his life back and he wants to live forever. Accordingly, he has made himself a multi-millionaire and devotes all his energy to health and longevity research.

        Some of the secrets he has uncovered are unknown to nearly 100% of American doctors. I have participated in this research and, I too, have made some powerful discoveries. Matter of fact, if you attended one of my seminars 10 or 15 years ago and, if you saw me now... you would find I look approximately 20 years younger now... than I did 15 years ago. This is due to a number of factors and the genuine discovery of a certain drug (you can get it by prescription and it's 100% safe) which is the closest thing to the Fountain of Youth that exists in the world today.

        Approximately 30-days from the time you are reading this, I will be old enough to qualify for Social Security. In spite of that, my current girlfriend is less than half my age and I had to show her my driver's license to get her to believe I really am a "living fossil." Another lady who attended one of my recent seminars, was having sex with me three to five times a day on the same days I was giving the seminar. I'm not going to tell you which seminar it was because I want to protect her identity. I do not tell you this to brag or convince you I am some sort of stud. I just want you to know that since the discovery of several powerful secrets... especially the aforementioned drug (no, it is not growth hormone) I seem to be aging backwards.

        If you're over 35 years old (hell, even if you're not) you need to know about all this. It has literally turned my life around. Maybe all this will stop working some day... but... for now... I sure am a happy camper! (So is my girlfriend.)

        Want to know all about it? All you gotta do is send me a mere 97 smackers and you'll get this new report by return mail. By the way, the title of this new report is...

"How To Slow Down, Stop And Even Reverse
The Aging Process And Regain and Increase
All The Youthful Energy, Vitality And
Sexual Passion You Once Enjoyed!"

        Do you have any idea what this is like? It's like taking a new form of Viagra that affects your entire body... instead of... a mere six or seven inches of your anatomy. I kid you not. Order if you're interested.

        Peace.

Copyright © 2002 Gary C. Halbert.  All Rights Reserved.